It’s mildly amusing to me that the current blogoland/livejournal “post a candid photo of yourself” meme happened to coincide with suit day at work.
When all the wolves in woolly wigs
Have huffed, and puffed, and blew the bricks
The skulls of Brooklyn’s cruelest pigs
Will rain on Fulton’s newest kicks
As mulish swine of all surrounding counties sniff the gruesomeness
We pass around the pineapples and pull the pins in unison
I will gladly feed you to the breed who wants you sacrificed
No pagan or sacrilege, just bacon for scavengers
I will gladly seat you with the chickens, not the passengers
Hopefully the crack in his armor spreads to his avarice
Never that, Wilburs multiply quicker than triples
And hunt their truffles in fistfuls, but it was all bells and whistles
Bougie this and Bougie that…
War pig or pussy cat…
Glitzy to the pork ribs, had to gold-leaf the booby traps
Powder-pink, double-breasted, mess of mud and money
Waddle off the fire to make his stubborn tummy wroggle
And while I don’t really know the working details of your tribes
I know that that’s one ugly fucking tie.
(—Aesop Rock, “Pigs”)
So I normally never much care for the results of the omnipresent “let our crappy algorithm decide which 5 celebrities your photo sort of looks like if you squint!” tests, but this one was too hilarious not to share:
It’s funny enough that it only found one male “celebrity” (and who the hell is Eddie Kaye Thomas anyway?) that it thought I looked like. But Charisma Carpenter and Grace Kelly?! I am so far beyond flattered that I suspect this site’s programmers are trying to get into my pants. And for the record, I think it may have succeeded. Call me anytime, dears.
(And for bonus weirdness points, I once dated someone named Krista Allen in college. Funny old world.)
Edit: Eddie Kaye Thomas appears to be an American character actor who’s not really “famous”, but who’s been in a ton of stuff, some of it reasonably good. He was Rosenberg in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, so I’ll take it as a compliment.
This one just tickles me, as it hearkens back to my NYC Subwayese Translator:
How Many Metros Have You Ridden?
Sadly, the page’s creator forgot about PATCO
, because, well, everyone forgets about PATCO
. So, here’s their logo:
That “How many Hugo winners have you read” meme, but with added snark!
|2005||Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell||Susanna
Clarke ||No || |
|2004||Paladin of Souls||Lois McMaster Bujold||No || |
|2003||Hominids||Robert J. Sawyer||No || |
|2002||American Gods||Neil Gaiman||Yes || |
|2001||Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire||J. K.
Rowling||Yes ||The “oh, right, Harry Potter!” Hugo.|
|2000||A Deepness in the Sky||Vernor
Vinge||Yes || |
|1999||To Say Nothing of the Dog||Connie
Willis||Yes || |
|1998||Forever Peace||Joe Haldeman||No || |
|1997||Blue Mars||Kim Stanley
Robinson||Yes ||See “Green Mars” — a pair of sympathy
Hugos was probably not unwarranted in this case, even if this one in
specific dragged on a lot.|
|1996||The Diamond Age||Neal
Stephenson||Yes ||It’s a good thing that endings are
apparently not a requirement for a Hugo. |
|1995||Mirror Dance||Lois McMaster
Bujold||No || |
|1994||Green Mars||Kim Stanley
Robinson||Yes ||Kind of a sympathy Hugo for “Red Mars”
losing out to Bujold in 92, really. |
|1993||Doomsday Book||Connie Willis||Yes
||How embarrassed am I that I never read any Connie Willis
until a few years ago? Very. |
|1993||A Fire Upon the Deep||Vernor
Vinge||Yes || |
|1992||Barrayar||Lois McMaster Bujold||No || |
|1991||The Vor Game||Lois McMaster
Bujold||No || |
||See “The Diamond Age” (of course, Hyperion got an ending in a
later book — on the other hand, it was crap) |
|1989||Cyteen||C. J. Cherryh||Yes
||Worst title for a brilliant book ever. I avoided it for years because I assumed it was about cybernetic and/or psychic teenagers. How embarrassing.|
|1988||The Uplift War||David Brin||Yes
||See “Startide Rising” |
|1987||Speaker for the Dead||Orson Scott
Card||Yes ||…actually Ender’s Game isn’t so much my
“favorite” Card book as “the only one I didn’t actively loathe.”
“Ender” was a lean and mean stab of brilliance. “Speaker” was three
times as long and ten times more ponderous and boring. I gave up
halfway through Xenocide, and I never do that. You have to
give Card props for managing to make quite a bit of money off of a
group of people he’d just as soon see thrown in jail, but his contempt
for his audience shines through the cracks here.|
|1986||Ender’s Game||Orson Scott Card||Yes
||My favorite book by my favorite petit-fascist fundamentalist
Mormon nutjob. |
|1985||Neuromancer||William Gibson||Yes || |
|1984||Startide Rising||David Brin||Yes
||I really, really liked this when I read it in high school.
I’ve been completely underwhelmed by everything of Brin’s I’ve read as
an adult. This suggests strongly that I should never, ever re-read
|1983||Foundation’s Edge||Isaac Asimov||No
||I suppose it’s possible that a late-period Asimov novel (and
a Foundation book at that) might have been that good. Monkeys might also
fly out my ass at ANY MOMENT. |
|1982||Downbelow Station||C. J. Cherryh||No || |
|1981||The Snow Queen||Joan D. Vinge||No || |
|1980||The Fountains of Paradise||Arthur C.
Clarke||No ||Must… not… make… pedophilia…
jokes… resolve… failing… |
|1979||Dreamsnake||Vonda N. McIntyre||No
|1978||Gateway||Frederik Pohl||No || |
|1977||Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang||Kate Wilhelm||No || |
|1976||The Forever War||Joe Haldeman||Yes
||Really, there should be a constitutional amendment requiring
anyone under the age of 25 to read this within 3 months of finishing
“Starship Troopers”. |
|1975||The Dispossessed||Ursula K. Le Guin||Yes || |
|1974||Rendezvous with Rama||Arthur C. Clarke||Yes || |
|1973||The Gods Themselves||Isaac Asimov||No|| |
|1972||To Your Scattered Bodies Go||Philip Jos
Farmer||Yes ||A Riverworld novel? Seriously? 1972
can’t have been that slow a year. |
|1971||Ringworld||Larry Niven||Yes || |
|1970||The Left Hand of Darkness||Ursula K. Le
Guin||Yes ||If I had to pick one book out of this list
to make required reading for the next generation, this would be it.
(Canticle would be a close second.) |
|1969||Stand on Zanzibar||John Brunner||No || |
|1968||Lord of Light||Roger Zelazny||No || |
|1967||The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress||Robert A. Heinlein||Yes || |
||If only Frank had taught his son a useful trade. |
|1966||…And Call Me Conrad (This Immortal)||Roger Zelazny||No || |
|1965||The Wanderer||Fritz Leiber||No || |
|1964||Here Gather the Stars (Way Station)||Clifford D. Simak||No || |
|1963||The Man in the High Castle||Philip K.
Dick||Yes ||As yet not adapted into a big-budget action
movie vehicle for an aging Hollywood action star, but give them time:
I’m sure Vin Diesel would like to take a crack at it.|
|1962||Stranger in a Strange Land||Robert A. Heinlein||Yes || |
|1961||A Canticle for Leibowitz||Walter M.
Miller, Jr||Yes ||There’s something to be said for
writing one truly brilliant novel and then ceasing and desisting. (cf
Orson Scott Card as counterexample)|
|1960||Starship Troopers||Robert A. Heinlein||Yes || |
|1959||A Case of Conscience||James Blish||No || |
|1958||The Big Time||Fritz Leiber||No || |
|1956||Double Star||Robert A. Heinlein||No || |
|1955||They’d Rather Be Right (The Forever Machine)||Mark Clifton & Frank Riley||No || |
|1953||The Demolished Man||Alfred
Bester||Yes||Really, “The Stars My Destination” is much
better, but at least he’s here. |
Number that I’ve read: 29 out of 52
Number that I’ve read that I’d risk re-reading: 18 or so. (A couple
borderline cases: Cyteen is probably worth re-reading, but I’d
have to be in the right mood.)
Number that I’m sort of embarrassed I haven’t read: 5 (Jonathan
Strange, Downbelow Station, The Snow Queen, Stand on Zanzibar, A Case
Number by authors who I full-stop have never heard of: 6 (Robert
Sawyer, Vonda McIntyre, Kate Wilhelm, Clifford Simak, Mark Clifon,
Number of actually decent books that I am unfairly trashing because
their multitudinous awful sequels retroactively ruined for me: 4
(Dune, Ender’s Game, To Your Scattered Bodies Go and Hyperion)
Metacomment: boy oh boy does the Hugo committee love it some Lois
McMaster Bujold. Four Hugos: that’s as many as Heinlein, twice as
many as LeGuin or Asimov, and as much as Herbert, Bester, Dick and
Brunner put together. Also exactly four more than Samuel Delaney, Ray
Bradbury, Octavia Butler, Johnathan Lethem, Douglas Adams, Gene Wolfe,
Thomas Disch or China Mieville, to name a few at random. What gives?
Blame Mars. Meme behind the cut.
Rules: Name 10 fictional characters you’d do and tag 5 of your friends.
In no particular order, by which I mean “I’m going to slip the comic book characters I was crushed out on in 7th grade into the middle and hope nobody notices”:
Moral, for the most part: competence = sexy. And I would appear to be fairly visually oriented, given the surprising lack of characters from non-graphic novels.
This is really just the best thing ever (this week). Nominally, it’s a small tweak to the nose of Donald Wildmon and the American Family Association’s anti-gay-marriage campaign, but really it’s just a chance for FleshBot‘s graphics guy to put together a great banner image.
It is, ever so slightly non-worksafe, so the shoulder-surfable should wait until an opportune moment before clicking…
(Click on the image for explanations, context, etc…)
(The rules: has asked me 5 questions. I’m answering them. Respond below and I’ll try to ask you five questions.  Aieee! Okay, stop! No more! It’s gonna take me a day or ten to come up with the necessary number of questions as it stands right now…)
1.You get to take over the world for a day. Any changes you make during that time will stick after your gone, but you only get to do five things. What are they?
Damn the law of unintended consequences, full arbitrary steam ahead! (Note: this list completely off the top of my head. Ask me again tomorrow and get a different list.)
— Open immigration everywhere. If capital can jump from country to country in order to arbitrage labor costs, it should be perfectly legal for people to pick up and move to wherever the jobs happen to be.
— Tax exemptions for religions? Kiss `em goodbye. If you can afford to build a gilded temple (or, ahem, buy up half the real estate in lower Manhattan), you can kick over 15% to Caesar just like everyone else, and you can be just as audit-able as the next guy.
— Term of copyright: 15 years. Term of patent grant: 10. No patents on business methods, computational algorithms, or mathematical formulae (for the love of god, people).
— 90-year ban on members of the Bush family holding political office anywhere. They’ll just have to be Unspeakably Rich for a while.
— I’d make the official dress uniform of the U.S. armed forces Levis blue jeans, white t-shirts and black bomber jackets.
2. You and occasionally are my providers of fantasy for when I wish I lived in New York. The way you write about the city captures it perfectly to me, so much so that I’m both envious and completely undesirous of living there. Is there any place else that you could live and be so satisfied?
As much as I love love love NYC, I do sorta suspect that any city of a similar size in a first-world country with reasonably non-xenophobic immigration laws would probably provide me with a similar level of enjoyment. London and Paris, certainly, are in the same rank as far as being culture generators and social particle accelerators. Rome, Amsterdam and Berlin would all be “maybes.”
That said, there are lots of places where I would love to be able to live for, say, a year or two, even though I don’t doubt that they’d drive me bugfuck if I stayed any longer: Tokyo, Rio, Buenes Aires, Saigon, Bangkok, San Francisco, Seattle, Singapore, Shanghai, Madrid and Jerusalem would all fall into that category.
But I’d have to learn to make my own bagels and smoke my own salmon.
3. In a week-long period, you are able to eat at seven restaurants anywhere in the world. What are they, and why?
Oooh. I’m salivating at the thought… but I’m afraid that other than the French Laundry in California, I’m not sure I can come up with seven names off the top of my head: I’d have to actually sit down and do some research.
Well, okay, I do know what I’d start with:
— Where is Joel Robuchon currently cooking?
— Where is Alain Ducasse currently working?
— What was Tony Bourdain’s favorite restaurant in Vietnam?
That’s four restaurants in three countries already… I’d probably try to throw Moscow and Tokyo onto the list somehow, even though I haven’t the faintest idea of where I’d begin…
…and I’d probably try to track down the little wonton soup stand in Shanghai where Miranda and I had The Best Soup Ever a few years back.
4. Who do you think you are?
Just another bozo on this bus.
…I think we’re all bozos on this bus!
5. (Bonus question) Why don’t you come up and see me sometime? ;)
<Mae_West>You know how to whistle, don’t you?</Mae_West>
create your own visited states map
Huh, better than I was expecting when I started it. A few unconnected notes:
A couple of them are layover ringers: Missouri was a 45-minute stop at STL on our way back from Hawaii with Miranda in 1994. (Our first real vacation together — I should really get the film scanner fired up and post those.)
Texas was about 90 minutes of unexpected terror and hilarity: my “nonstop” flight from San Diego to Boston in 1996 turned out to have an equipment change at Dallas/FtWorth — had I known that in advance, I probably would not have worn my Church of Euthanasia t-shirt, with its cheery “suicide · abortion · cannibalism · sodomy” logo on the rear. And perhaps I would have worn a hat over the bright green hair. No joke: I had not even gotten off the plane (hell, I hadn’t even managed to get my carryon out of the overhead compartment) before people started handing me bible tracts. I maintain a theorectical fondness for the lone star state, but the next time I go back, I think I’d like it to be under more controlled conditions.
Virginia, the Carolinas, and Georgia were all drive-by visits: on two separate occasions, the same group of lunatic college friends and I drove nonstop from western Massachusetts to Florida. The first time was allegedly to accompany Marcel to check out the University of Miami’s graduate film program, but really just because it was midwinter in Massachusetts and we were all stir crazy, the second time was for his wedding. I got no feel whatsoever for the places themselves, but I will say that South of the Border at 3am in a misting rain is like being on the set of a great unfilmed David Lynch movie.
The first trip to Florida was a few short months after Hurricane Andrew had flatted half of Miami, and we arrived in Dade County just in time for the start of rush hour on a half-demolished freeway system, after 24 hours of nonstop driving. I’ve never been so convinced of my own imminent death before or since.
create your own visited country map
Tsk tsk. Haven’t maxed out a single continent yet. Never thought I’d regret not taking that day-trip to Mexico from San Diego.
…and for once, the Friday Five questions aren’t completely annoying me. So with no further ado:
1. What food do you like that most people hate?
Kimchee. Mmmmmm…kimchee. Blessed, blessed kimchee.
Shut up or I’ll breathe on you.
2. What food do you hate that most people like?
Eggs. Shudder, twitch, retch, etc. The form doesn’t matter: scrambled, fried, deviled, omelet, boiled — it’s all horrible jiggly sulfurous congealed mucous. I honestly can’t understand the appeal at all.
3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
Britney Spears. Yawn. Nice body, I guess, and it’s not that I don’t generally find jiggly blonde femmes attractive, but her face is just… not doing it for me at all. She looks like what an 8-year-old boy who wasn’t actually yet into girls would describe if you asked him to imagine what a beautiful girl looked like. My eyes get no traction on her face: they just fall off and start staring at whatever’s next to her.
4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive?
Gary Oldman. Objectively, well, he is ugly as hell. Doesn’t matter. He’s plugged straight into god’s own electrical socket. That works for me.
5. What popular trend baffles you?
Voting Republican. Rimshot
More seriously…with the previously noted exception of my addiction to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I remain perpetually baffled by the popularity of “reality TV”. I mean, hello, this crap sucked back when it was called ‘The Real World’ Who authorized converting our entire nation’s entertainment output into this horrible format?