A small addition to the list of things that my dream apartment/house will never, under any circumstances, have:

Wall-to-wall white carpet.

Seriously, who thought that putting this stuff into any kind of living space was a good idea? Even if my cats didn’t regard horking as a competitive sport (and they do: the world finals are usually held at 3am), the normal grind of boots, food droppings and sloshed drinks — which in an apartment with wood or laminate floors is cause for nothing more than a grumbling grab for the paper towels — is guaranteed to turn this stuff into a calico quilt of ugly.

After four hours with a rental steam cleaner, I’ve got it looking… mostly a bit better than it was when we moved in. Yes, the landlord allegedly had it professionally cleaned before we moved in. I conclude from this that either he hired incompetents, has a higher tolerance for weird stains on carpet than me, or that I’m just more persistent at this than sane people.

Dear brilliant friends who live in homes with carpet: how the hell do you deal with this? Lots of area rugs? Just ignore it? Hire professionals? Buy your own steam cleaner? I’m all ears.