why yes, I am begging

So it occurs to me that my multitudinous minions and friends, many if not most of whom are substantially smarter and better-connected than I am, might well be able to help with my increasingly desperate search for an apartment.

So, in a nutshell, here’s what we’re looking for:

We absolutely need:
  • 2 bedrooms (the second one will be used as an office, so it can be small, but the first one needs to hold a queen bed, two dressers and ideally have some closet space)

  • A living room large enough to hold a couch, several bookshelves and possibly a chaise longue

  • A kitchen larger than a postage stamp

  • A cat-friendly landlord (cats are 5 years old, neutered, housebroken, don’t scratch walls, and we’re happy to offer a pet deposit)

We would love, but could certainly live without:
  • Parking (garage or on-street)

  • A dining room

  • A back yard, deck or sun porch

  • A pony

We would prefer, in rough order:
  1. Central Mission (btw 18th & 25th, west of Folsom)

  2. Noe Valley

  3. Duboce Triange

  4. Potrero Hill

  5. Bernal Heights

  6. Hayes Valley

  7. Cole Valley

  8. SOMA

For all of this, we would in an ideal world like to pay $2000/month or less… Stop laughing, damnit. (Yes, we’d also like a pony, look up, it’s on the list.) Obviously, I’m aware that that might be completely unrealistic and am willing to consider going above it for the right place.

Recommendations for rental agents also happily taken: I’ve got one already, but she hasn’t exactly been burning my cell phone up with appointments.

If you lead me to a place, I will buy you and your SO dinner somewhere swanky.

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