Second Acts in American Lives

New York City is currently sleepwalking through what may be the single most boring mayoral election in human history. Freddy Ferrer, amiable but completely useless loyal Democratic party hack, is being gently ground into paste by Mike Bloomberg, amiable but mostly useless RINO gazillionaire. When it’s interesting at all, it’s mostly interesting for noticing that Bloomberg managed to go from “wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire” levels of approval to a 40% polling lead over the chosen candidate of a party that, on paper, has a 2-to-1 registration advantage. But mostly it’s not interesting.

But nature abhors a vacuum, and you can’t have an election in NYC without some form of total insanity. Sure enough, just what the doctor ordered, ladies and gentlemen, let’s all get out there and support:

Bernie Goetz for Public Advocate
Yes, really, that Bernie Goetz. No, I am not kidding in the slightest. Yes, the jokes practically write themselves, but I’m going to inflict a few of them on you anyway.

The top five rejected campaign slogans for Bernie Goetz for Public Advocate:

  • 5. Vote Goetz: you can run, but you can’t hide.


  • 4. Vote Goetz: Do you feel lucky, punk?


  • 3. Vote Goetz: Put me in office, keep me off the subways.


  • 2. Vote Goetz: He’s locked and loaded!


…and the number one rejected campaign slogan for Bernie Goetz for Pubic Advocate:

  • 1. Vote Goetz or I’ll fucking shoot you.


Now that’s more like it.

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interestingly, I have been a big fan of goetz for a while now.

Allow me to hasten to add, "big fan" in the same fashion that I am a big
fan of Quaddafi (he has BOND GIRLS! - c'mon! that is awesome), Kim Jong Il
(only played golf once in his life, got a hole in one on every hole-
according to his official autobiography), etc.

Goetz has been a squirrel saver for many many years now, and though not in
the limelight like the 80's, he has been a fringe player in NYC politics
for a looong time now. He did in fact run for mayor once. I believe he has
run for pub adv on prior occasions.

Being a fairly dedicated anarchist myself, and resigned to the fact that
there is just no such thing as a Democrat with a Spine (trademark
registered by Karl Rove, no doubt), I often vote for the insane ticket.
Hell, I voted for Grampa Munster (Al Lewis) for Governor on the Green
ticket last time...

BTW, let me take one second to plug an idea that I have been advocating
for some time now- I'm a registered Republican in a predominantly
Democratic state, meaning I get to vote in Republic primaries. How many
Dems in NY got a chance to vote McCain? I did.