Archive for November, 2005

Second Acts in American Lives

New York City is currently sleepwalking through what may be the single most boring mayoral election in human history. Freddy Ferrer, amiable but completely useless loyal Democratic party hack, is being gently ground into paste by Mike Bloomberg, amiable but mostly useless RINO gazillionaire. When it’s interesting at all, it’s mostly interesting for noticing that Bloomberg managed to go from “wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire” levels of approval to a 40% polling lead over the chosen candidate of a party that, on paper, has a 2-to-1 registration advantage. But mostly it’s not interesting.

But nature abhors a vacuum, and you can’t have an election in NYC without some form of total insanity. Sure enough, just what the doctor ordered, ladies and gentlemen, let’s all get out there and support:

Bernie Goetz for Public Advocate
Yes, really, that Bernie Goetz. No, I am not kidding in the slightest. Yes, the jokes practically write themselves, but I’m going to inflict a few of them on you anyway.

The top five rejected campaign slogans for Bernie Goetz for Public Advocate:

  • 5. Vote Goetz: you can run, but you can’t hide.


  • 4. Vote Goetz: Do you feel lucky, punk?


  • 3. Vote Goetz: Put me in office, keep me off the subways.


  • 2. Vote Goetz: He’s locked and loaded!


…and the number one rejected campaign slogan for Bernie Goetz for Pubic Advocate:

  • 1. Vote Goetz or I’ll fucking shoot you.


Now that’s more like it.